Sometimes, it feels like my main job as a librarian these days is just to buy stuff. Books and other materials for the library collection, library support services, library technology, etc. It’s not very satisfying. I’d like to feel like I’m producing or at least delivering some services myself, not just buying stuff produced by others. Yes, there is value in putting together disparate products into a coherent whole that responds to patron needs, but is that the main/only thing that librarians have to contribute to society? That’s not what I got into librarianship for.

I’ve been away from home for the past few days attending some work-related training. The training was pretty intense, but it only ran for two days, from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Beyond that, I had free time on my own. I’m proud to say that I kept up with my exercise routine in my spare time by doing yoga and walking around town. I did some window shopping and didn’t watch much TV (as usual, there was nothing on worth watching). With my new laptop along and free wireless Internet access in my hotel room, I wanted to spend more time blogging and catching up on stuff that it’s hard to get to at work, but I found that I just couldn’t focus. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself because I did spend a fair amount of time keeping up with my e-mail and writing up ideas generated by the training. Still, I feel like I wasted a lot of time that I could have spend producing something, or at least reading/learning about stuff that I don’t normally have time to do. I feel like I’m surrounded by so many people who aren’t necessarily smarter or more motivated than me, but they produce so much more. What do I produce? I spend a lot of time observing and even contemplating things, but I can’t seem to muster the focus required to produce anything myself. I feel like there’s stuff inside me that I want to express and that I have the potential to contribute a lot to this world, but I just can’t figure out how to do it. I guess that’s the main difference between people who make a mark on the world and those who don’t. I’ve always wanted to be one of the people who made a mark, and I’m not yet ready to accept that I won’t.

Another month gone by, and Keiko is still with us. She’s nearly as active as ever and enjoying life approaching her 10th birthday, despite the cancer. This month threw us a small challenge in that we needed to travel to San Jose, California for a conference. Given the relatively fragile state of Keiko’s health, we wanted to spare her the stress of a stay at the kennel. She really likes the people at her normal place, but the kennel environment is pretty stressful for any dog and especially so for Keiko. So, my dad kindly agreed to take care of her for a few days next week. Kyle and I are trying to do all we can to make this easy for both Keiko and my dad, but it makes everybody nervous. Kyle has a refundable plane ticket, so he can go home on a moment’s notice if needed. It doesn’t take that long to get home from San Jose, either. Hopefully, all will go well.